<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Emotionally Compromised by AmandaG96</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009227">Emotionally Compromised</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaG96/pseuds/AmandaG96'>AmandaG96</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Emotionally Compromised [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Reality, Amanda Survives, Anger, Emotions, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Forced Bonding, Logic, Love, Planet Destruction, Vulcan, worried, worried sick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:40:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,701</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009227</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaG96/pseuds/AmandaG96</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda survives the destruction of Vulcan and helps the men in her life come to terms with the devastating loss while battling her own emotions about losing her home and planet she has grown to love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amanda Grayson/George Kirk, Amanda Grayson/Sarek, Spock/Nyota Uhura</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Emotionally Compromised [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887763</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I stayed home today. I had been under the weather for the past couple of days and Sarek insisted I stayed home to rest. While I was not one for sitting with my feet up, I was able to compromise with my husband, agreeing to editing my documents from bed. Not soon after beginning, I fell asleep.</p><p>It was the whistling of the wind that woke me. I opened my eyes to see from our balcony window in front of me a fog of thick brown sand flying in all directions. I felt my stomach immediately drop with fear, as I sensed that something didn't seem right.</p><p>Through our marital bond, I sensed distress and panic from Sarek which soon began to overwhelm me. Throwing the covers over my body, I shot out of bed and immediately out of my night gown. Quickly slipping into a form-fitting green dress I walked over to the balcony doors placing my hand on the door handle. I turned it slightly to the right and to my surprise the wind forced the door open. I fought against the wind as I made my way onto the balcony keeping my head down to keep the bits of sand from my eyes.</p><p>"Another sandstorm?" I muttered, "We just had one…"</p><p>But as I got closer to the edge of the balcony, I froze in horror as I registered the events occurring in the distant mountains in front of me and I knew the source of the distress and panic Sarek was feeling through our bond. This was no sandstorm; this was the beginning of the planet's destruction.</p><p>In my early years on Vulcan, we were taught the early signs of destruction. It is something I didn't think I remembered considering the amount of time that has passed, but it wasn't until I was staring at a dark entity within the mountains that every bit of training and information flooded back. I felt my body froze with terror as my hands tried to grip the edge of the balcony.</p><p>I felt my hands moistened with sweat as the wind began to pick up, my brown wavy hair flying in all directions. We needed to get the Temple of Seleya and we needed to get there soon! Hands on my shoulder caused me to yelp. I was twirled around and suddenly was face to face with my husband who I quickly wrapped my arms around.</p><p>I felt my heart rate quicken as the panic and fear began to rise through our bond, but thankfully there was a strong sense of relief as he wrapped his arm tightly me and guided me back into the bedroom. He closed the balcony door behind him and turned me to face him.</p><p>I saw his lips move, but all I could hear was panic in his tone. His words did not register. I had never heard panic in his tone before. Never. He was scared. Every part of his body read fear, even his eyes they stared into mine. Reaching for his neck, he unraveled his scarf from his neck and wrapped it around my neck and head.</p><p>"Amanda!" His hands grabbed my shoulders and shook, "The planet is being destroyed. We need to go immediately to the shelter."</p><p>I couldn't speak. And I couldn't move. All I could feel was the horror and fear that rushed through our bond along with his words that were echoing through my head. "The planet is being destroyed." Shaking myself out of my fear, I managed a nod. He intertwined his hand with mine and pulled me out of our bedroom, and through the corridor.</p><p>My mind was racing a million miles a minute, my life was flashing before my eyes and surprisingly the only person that was at the forefront of my mind was my old friend, George. Was he afraid to die? Did it hurt? Would it hurt for me… for us? My stomach flipped in fear as I suddenly remembered something... something that I leave. Something I had to go back for… just in case by some miracle we were to survive.</p><p>"Sarek, wait!" I said, but he continued to pull me throughout the house. Determined, I jerked my hand out of his grip. "WAIT!" I yelled again. This time, he stopped and turned around as we were half-way down the corridor. "I must get something." I said, my voice shaking with fear. "In my office!" I turned around and rushed back down the corridor into my office.</p><p>"I can't forget this. I can't. I can't leave without this." I muttered to myself as I feverishly opened my desk drawers flinging papers throughout the office.</p><p>"Amanda!" I saw Sarek standing in the doorway in my peripheral vision, "Amanda, we need to leave!"</p><p>At the bottom of the second door sat two precious pictures. I shoved them down the neck of my dress and rushed back to my husband who gripped my hand back into his and ran to the front door.</p><p>The wind immediately hit me in the face as the door opened, as well as a mixture of sand and rock. I felt my body slide back, but I was pulled by Sarek through the door, down the pathway and onto the hovercraft. I buried my face against my husband's back as he rode at lightning speed into the mountains behind our house.</p><p>Within minutes we had arrived at the Temple of Mount Seleya, the most secure sanctuary in all of Vulcan. As we made our way through the temple and up the stairs, I immediately recognized the two Elders and two Priest who stood in front in a semi-circle surrounding the statue of Seleya.</p><p>Sarek ushered me beside him around the statue, now making a full circle around it. Within moments there was only silence within the temple. No speech. Only the sound of the crumbling mountain rock around me seemed to be my only source of company as every suddenly was deeply focused on their meditation.</p><p>My fingers intertwined with Sarek. My hands were moist with sweat as I rested my head on his shoulder. Through our bond his fear was becoming less and less and was replaced with calmness he was able to create through his mediation. He passed it onto me through our bond and my heart rate began to slow.</p><p>Despite our bond, my fear was still there. I was grateful that Sarek did not pull away from my grip. If I was going to die the last thing I wanted to feel was his touch, along with the side of his body against mine. Despite my growing fears, and through the silent tears now running down my cheeks, I opened my mind and reached out to him despite to express my feelings before we were to die.</p><p>Sarek, I love you. I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much. For all these years, for our son. For your love. Thank you.</p><p>Suddenly, a dark shade of blue flash up the stairs amongst the falling rock. I turned and to both my horror and surprise saw Spock rushed up the stairs</p><p>"Spock?!" I gasped, disbelief and fear radiated through my voice.</p><p>"The planet has only seconds left; we must go…" I found myself almost frozen, we hadn't seen him in months, and he was here. He looked so well... Spock's eyes glared into mine, his voice more frantic as he commanded with his arm extended to me which broke me from my thoughts, "Mother, now".</p><p>Refusing to let go of Sarek's hand, I pulled him along as I grabbed Spock's hand and together, we maneuvered our way out of the denigrating temple. I squeezed Sarek's hand tightly as I continued to pull him along, Spock's arms around me as we finally made our way towards the light and finally out of the temple.</p><p>"Spock to Enterprise, beam us out now"</p><p>Our home was crumbling before my eyes, as I through it couldn't get any worse the mountains in the distant began to crumble. I released my grip from Sarek's hand and unraveled my arm from Spock's arm and step forward feeling the tears continuing to drop from my eyes as I watched the mountains, the beautiful mountains crumble.</p><p>Memories flooded my mind, that I immediately shared with Sarek through our bond. Our bonding ceremony were in these mountains, we had taken Spock as a child to these mountains when he was young… and they were crumbling… going before my eyes.</p><p>The familiar feeling of vibration overtook my body as part of the beaming process. As I turned around, the ground from under me began to shake and before I could step back, it fell loose. A scream escaped my lips as I felt my body begin to fall. I squeezed my eyes shut when a sharp tug on my arm jerked me back.</p><p>The vibration feeling became stronger as I felt a body press against mine. I wrapped my arms around the body, wrapping my fingers around the soft fabric I held on for dear life. I pressed my face against the body as the familiar pulling feeling from the transporter overtook my body and within a second there was only silence. No crumbling mountains.</p><p>When I opened my eyes and pulled my head back slightly, I saw only blue. My fingers were intertwined with the blue fabric and inches away from my face, the Star fleet pin rested on the fabric. I lifted my head up and immediately locked eyes with my adult son who held his arms tightly around me.</p><p>Looking over his shoulder, I saw both the Priest and only one Elder on the pad. A rush of horror and fear ran through my body and for a moment I thought I would vomit. I heard a small scream as we ran out of the temple… was that…</p><p>Sarek. Sarek… My love.</p><p>I didn't want to look, but I took in a deep breath and slowly turned my head to my right. Seeing familiar dark black robes, I trailed my eyes up and upon seeing the monotone face of my husband tears of relief ran down my cheeks. I turned back to Spock and pulled him in an embrace and for the first time in years, not caring that I was crying with an audience, or holding my adult son who despised physical contact of any kind. I cared that we were alive. Sarek, him, and me.</p><p>"Oh, Spock!" I cried softly against his chest. "You saved us."</p><p>We lingered there for a moment. A moment that made my heart grow warm with love, relief, and the feeling of pride. His hands rested against my back and sooner than I would like dropped to the side.</p><p>"Mother," Spock's words broke me from my thoughts, "This is Dr. McCoy." He said, pulling away from my embrace. Turning to my left, in front of the transporter pad, stood a middle-aged man, with dark brown hair.</p><p>"Lady Amanda" Dr. McCoy called, stepping forward "Ambassador Sarek, everyone… please come with me to the medical wing."</p><p>We spent an hour in the medical wing, on the insistence of Doctor McCoy. It was the second time in over 20 years of marriage, the first being only an hour ago, that my husband did not pull away when I held his hand while in the company of others. He allowed me to rest my head on his shoulder as the tricorder scanned us and he did not comment when the silent tears continued to run down my cheeks.</p><p>Everything around me seemed to become a blur, I heard voices from both the Doctor and Sarek, but the words did not register. As my head rested against my husbands' shoulder, the images of the Temple ran through my head. The feeling of the ground coming loose from under my feet…</p><p>"She is in shock." Dr. McCoy explained, "Humans tend to go through shock during traumatic times. You wife will be alright. I will prescribe antibiotics for her mild chest infection and I must insist that you both rest in your quarters for the time being. I understand that you and the other members are to stay aboard the Enterprise before being transported to the Federation in a week's time."</p><p>"That is correct." responded Sarek.</p><p>"Then perhaps I should leave you both to get some rest, and perhaps some food."</p><p>The next thing I remember is being escorted by a crew member down the hall with Sarek by my side. According to Federation law, whenever we were not in our quarters all diplomats must be escorted by a member of crew. I had forgotten how big and spacious ships are, it had been a while since I escorted my husband on business conferences on vessels big as this.</p><p>I felt numb, all I could picture was Vulcan being destroyed in front of me… and the unfamiliar emptiness in my conscious where Sarek normally sat caused me great concern as it was silent. I feared he had withdrawn from me, despite my many attempts to reach out to him since being beamed aboard the Enterprise he was silent… even though he was beside me.</p><p>A soft hand on my back jolted me from thought. "Has my touch offended you?" Sarek asked, an intonation of question in his tone.</p><p>"No, my lo- no Sarek" I quickly corrected, "Forgive me, I'm just a little jumpy."</p><p>"I must tend to the other members of the Council. I shall meet you in the canteen in 15 minutes." He turned to the aide and said, "Please ensure that my wife gets to the canteen safely."</p><p>"Yes, Ambassador." the young man nodded.</p><p>With a soft touch on my lower back, he turned around and walked down the hall to find the other members of the council, wherever they were. I walked continued to walk down the hall, with the fear of Sarek breaking our marital bond now not at the fore front of my mind, Spock was now my only concern. He had not spoken to us since he introduced Dr. McCoy to us on the transport pad. He didn't even escort us to the medical wing. I wanted to see him, I wanted to hug him. I wanted to tell him how proud I was. How much I loved him.</p><p>When I looked up, it seemed like my prayers were answered when the sight of Spock walking down the hall made me break out in a smile. With his PADD in his hand, he placed it behind his back as he saw me and intertwined his hands behind his back as he walked. I stopped in amazement and admired my brave boy. Yes, he was fully grown as he walked towards me, but I wondered if I will ever not see him as my little boy.</p><p>"Spock." I smiled, holding my arm around to him as he came closer.</p><p>Bowing his head slightly, he stopped in front of me. "Mother." He said flatly, "Dr. McCoy has expressed to me that your health remains intact despite a slight infection of some kind?"</p><p>Turning to the escort, I bowed my head slightly sending him away for a moment of privacy with my son. I turned back to Spock and continued, "Yes, but I have been prescribed antibiotics and will be fine. Spock, I was just going to the canteen; your father will be joining soon. Please, will you join us?"</p><p>His head lowered slightly, "I am unable to, Mother." he said, with a tone of disappointment in his voice. "I must attend to certain matters on deck, if you'll excuse me." He began to walk away. I reached my hand out and grabbed his arm lightly.</p><p>"Spock." I sighed sadly, "You have not been to see us in years. Can you please…" I felt a lump form in my throat, I sniffed fighting back tears "Can you please spare ten minutes, just some tea? Please…"</p><p>"Mother." I almost jumped, surprised by the sudden sternness in his voice "I am needed on deck."</p><p>"Spock-"</p><p>Before I could even finish, he passed me, jerking his arm away from my grip. "Spock!" I called, but he continued to walk. A stinging pain filled my chest and tears welled in my eyes. Why wouldn't he speak to me? I inhaled a shaky breath when something out of the corner of my eye caused me to turn with surprise. I thought for certain we were alone but standing just outside of the canteen in the doorway was James Kirk.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Lady Amanda."</p><p>Quickly, I wiped the tears from my cheeks and forced a smile.</p><p>"Jimmy… Jim." I quickly corrected, "I apologise." wiping my nose with the back of my sleeve "It's been a while. How are you?"</p><p>"I am well, Lady Amanda" he reassured, "I couldn't help but hear your conversation with Spock, are you alright?" he asked, his voice low with concern.</p><p>"I am alright, Jim." I reassured, forcing the smile back on my lips "I guess I forget that he is suffering too, he always drew to the traditional Vulcan way of coping."</p><p>"Still it does not give him the right to ignore you." he responded. Even though I fought myself from responding, I couldn't help but nod slightly at his response. Spock was coping and unfortunately, I needed to give him space… as much as I didn't want to.</p><p>"It's okay." I continued softly, losing the battle with tears I sniffed a couple times but against my will, trickled down my cheeks. Jim wrapped his arms wrapped around my shoulder and pulled me in an embrace which I couldn't help but linger onto for longer than I probably should have.</p><p>"I'm sorry." I cried lightly, pulling away from his embrace "That was not appropriate of me. I'm sorry Jimmy- Jim!"</p><p>He chuckled lightly. "I can't remember the last time someone called me Jimmy." he said lightly. When I looked up at him there was remorse in his eyes. His voice was lighter and lighter with each word as the sadness filled his voice "My mother always called me Jimmy. Even when I insisted, she call me Jim."</p><p>"I remember." I smiled sadly, placing my hand gently on his arm. "It was the time we took you and Spock to the Andoria sector. You both were seven, I believe. Do you remember?"</p><p>"Of course, I do, it was the first time I had ever seen blue people" His brow rose in surprise "I was so intrigued".</p><p>"You and Spock both. I can still see the embarrassment on your face when your mother called you Jimmy in front of a group of children. From then on you insisted on being called Jim."</p><p>He nodded "A part of me misses it now that she's gone".</p><p>"She is always with you, Jim." I said caressing his arm gently with my thumb. Feeling the lump of sadness form back in my throat. I looked down and sniffed back tears as I tried not to remember the death of my old friend. Even with all the medical advances these days, a cure for cancer has yet to be discovered.</p><p>After a moment, I formed a mischievous smile and looked back up at Jim, "I can always revert back if you'd like, I'm sure your mother would be smiling wherever she may be if I called you Jimmy again."</p><p>"Oh no." letting out a chuckle that quickly turned into a soft laugh "Jim will do, thank you, Lady Amanda."</p><p>"Then when Sarek is not around, I prefer you call me by my name if you'd be so kind".</p><p>"Of course, Lad- uh, Amanda."</p><p>Over Jim's shoulder, I saw Sarek being escorted down the corridor by a crew member. Jim turned around and upon seeing Sarek shuffled to the side. He clasped his hands behind his back and bowed slightly.</p><p>"Ambassador Sarek, forgive me, I was just speaking with Lady Amanda."</p><p>"Good evening, James." Sarek bowed his head slightly, "I recall that you and my wife are old acquaintances. If you will excuse me, I was about to go to the canteen with my wife." Extending his hand, he offered his forefingers to me.</p><p>"Oh yes, Ambassador. Of course."</p><p>I turned to Jim and gave a friendly nod before saying "It was lovely speaking with you again."</p><p>Accepting my husband's forefingers, we made our way across the corridor to the canteen.</p><p>I stared at the chocolate cake longer than I should have. Sarek sat across from me in the partially empty canteen. I remember missing cake on Vulcan, giving any and everything to have it accessible… but now, I sudden lost all appeal for the food or all earth food for that matter. What I really wanted was T'Mera's Plomeek Soup.</p><p>But I had to eat. I could sense my husband's gawking eye as he scooped a spoon full of the vegetarian lasagna onto his fork. It was so silent as we sat at the table, normally during mealtimes it was far from silent. We would always communicate through our bond… and now the silence seemed so foreign and I hated it.</p><p>I couldn't help but try and reach my mind out to my husband. Lowering my walls, I reached my mind out to the partially empty space just beside my conscious, but still there was only silence, which caused more fear to well in the pit of my stomach. I flinched at the thought of him withdrawing from me… or worse withdrawing from me completely.</p><p>I had heard that withdrawing would happen on occasions of divorce, and times of severe stress. Even though I seriously hoped (and sensed) it was the latter, I couldn't help but think of the former. With so few Vulcans left… what if the surviving members of the council make Sarek and I divorce so that he can take a Vulcan wife for reproduction purposes.</p><p>While I was not past childbearing age, I am sure the council would not be happy with another child like Spock. A thought which only caused anger to brew. My mind raced a million times a minute as I picked up the fork beside the white circular plate.</p><p>Did Ambassador Sovol already tell him that he needs to take a Vulcan wife? Is that's why I don't feel him through our bond? Is he breaking it off now to make it easier for later? I started to flick the crumbs off the chocolate cake, my stomach beginning to turn with fear and disgust as the thoughts kept forming and forming. The thought of us being ripped apart when we fought so hard to be together in the first place… I wrapped my arm around my stomach and took a deep breath,</p><p>"Are you well?" Sarek asked flatly.</p><p>"I am." I lied. "I'm just sad."</p><p>"In regular circumstances, sadness would be illogical. However, given the circumstances sadness is most logical."</p><p>I looked up at him and simply nodded. I couldn't help but think if this would be the last time my husband and I would be able to eat together face to face. The scenarios kept running through my head, ones that in my time of fear I immediately shared through our bond in the hopes of getting some form of response from him.</p><p>"You must eat." He insisted, leaning forward he pushed the plate of chocolate cake closer to me, "You have not eaten since first meal, and that was a substantial number of hours ago."</p><p>He took in another bite of vegetarian lasagna. How on earth could he be eating in a time like this? I thought.</p><p>"Sarek." I sighed, feeling the familiar feeling of nervous nausea well in the pit of my stomach. As much as I did not want to speak about this topic, I couldn't fight my instincts anymore. If he were going to break our marriage off, if he knew about it, he may as well do it now. "If the council demands that you divorce me to take a Vulcan wife, would you agree to it?"</p><p>I had only ever seen the look of my shocked husband three times in our 22 years together. His brows conformed into a v-like shape and his spoon seemed to have fallen from his grip and onto the floor beside him. Bending down simultaneously, both our fingers touched the side of the fork causing an ozh'esta.</p><p>I had expected him immediately to pull away, but to my surprise and relief, his fingers rested gently upon mine and once he began to move him slightly. The familiar surge of love ran through my body, a feeling that quickly relaxed my body.</p><p>While there was a strong surge of love there was also a deep sadness… sadness that almost brought me onto the ground. It was so strong and so powerful; I fought my body from almost exploding into tears. Vulcan emotions are powerful it was in this moment, I was reminded just how powerful they were and why Vulcan's suppressed them with logic.</p><p>I looked up at my husband, while his face had reverted back to his usual calm, monotone appearance I couldn't help but feel confused and astonished at how much pain he was feeling underneath and how calm and reserved he looked on the outside.</p><p>He was grieving… and it was painful.</p><p>"Oh, my love." I whispered, feeling a tear fall down my cheek. He pulled his fingers away from mine and helped me back to a sitting position in the chair.</p><p>"You look tired." he commented, "We should retire to our quarters."</p><p>I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to take his pain away. I wanted to help him. I wanted nothing more than to grab his hand and pull him into an embrace. However, given the circumstances and his… emotionally compromised state, it was merely wishful thinking. So, I was helpless and thus my sadness quickly re-emerged.</p><p>We rose from our seats and made our way out of the canteen. My hand clasped my wrist at the front of my body as I quickly adjusted my body to a traditional upright position. I wished we were alone. I wish that somehow, someway I could coax my husband into talking to me, into letting me help him. I just wanted to help him, and since Spock wouldn't let me help him the need to help Sarek only intensified.</p><p>As we walked out of the canteen, his hand reached for mine as we walked down the empty corridor and squeezed gently. I sensed he was about to say something when suddenly he stopped us in our tracks. His face had a tinge of… concern… alarm.</p><p>"What is it?" I asked.</p><p>Without a word he took my arm and rushed down the corridor.</p><p>"Sarek, what is going on?" I asked. We rounded a corner, a door opened and there stood Jim and Spock in the middle of the deck, and they were arguing. We stepped into the room, Sarek stopping us only a couple feet away from the door. I could sense a small hint of protection as Sarek squeezed my arm gently, but was it from our bond, or was it my own motherly need to protect?</p><p>It didn't take me long to realise that Jim was provoking Spock. His face now mere centimetres away from my son's. My body immediately filled with fear as I sensed this wasn't going to end pretty.</p><p>"You pulled your own mother off a falling cliff, she was almost murdered, and you're not even upset." Jim spat.</p><p>"If you are presuming these experiences have any way impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken."</p><p>"And yet you were the one who said fear was necessary to command this ship. I mean did you see what he has done?" Jim continued.</p><p>"Yes, of course I did."</p><p>"So, are you afraid, or aren't you?"</p><p>I could see the anger well more and more in my son's face as each word began to come out in more of a forced way, like Jim's, "I will not allow you to lecture me on the merits of emotion."</p><p>"Then why don't you stop me?" tested Jim. My stomach immediately dropped. I squeezed my husband's arm and took a deep breath; he was going to snap. Spock was going to snap.</p><p>"Step away from me Mr.-"</p><p>"What is like to not feel anger, or heartbreak or the need to stop at nothing to avenge your planet, hell even the women who was almost taken from you. The women who gave birth to you. The women who you won't even speak to or look at."</p><p>"Back away from me-"</p><p>"You feel NOTHING!" Jim yelled, "It must not even compute for you. You NEVER loved her!"</p><p>There was a flicker, one I had not seen in his eyes since he was a boy and just like that, as I predicted, he snapped. I moved to step forward as the two began to fight, but Sarek's grasp tightened around my hand. I gasped in both shock when his voice radiated through my head, through our silent marital bond.</p><p>Amanda, if you intervene you will unintentionally be harmed. Spock is mentally compromised.</p><p>You both are. I commented softly.</p><p>As I stood there, fighting with what to do. A memory ran through my mind. A forbidden memory. I was pulling a crying and kicking Michael off a Vulcan girl after a fight broke out at the learning centre. My heart ached; I couldn't do that with Spock. It was not allowed, Sarek wouldn't let me and it was not the way of Vulcan.</p><p>I watched the horror unfold in front of me, feeling the tears welling in my eyes. The voice of my old friend George Kirk suddenly filled my head as the last memory of us together filled my mind.</p><p>The last time I saw my friend before starting his yearlong mission, the mission that would ultimately take his life, we stood in front of Starfleet headquarters in Paris mere moments before his departure. I fought back the tears as we wrapped each other in a long hug, wrapping my arms around his shoulders I held on for dear life not wanting my friend to go.</p><p>"I'll miss you." I sniffed, "Please come back safe… and we will go out for coffee." My voice cracking at the end.</p><p>"Don't cry, Mandy." he said softly, caressing my back gently. "It's not good for the baby."</p><p>There was a moment of silence, until he let out a long sigh.</p><p>"If anything happens to me," he whispered in my ear, "Promise me that you and Sarek will look after Winona… well you. Your husband doesn't strike me as the caring type."</p><p>"You'd be surprised." I replied, coaxing a half smile against his shoulder. "…but, George, you shouldn't say such things, you will be fine. I'm sure of it."</p><p>"Mandy." his voice was almost firm "Please."</p><p>The tears began to come, I buried my face in his shoulder as I began to pout, "I promise, George." I cried "We will look after her. But please, please come back."</p><p>I never break promises, and true to my friend's last wishes, during times of hardship, I helped Winona in any way that I could. Money, trips to get away from her abusive second husband, and even extended an offer to spend some time with me on Vulcan which she took me up on more than a few times.</p><p>Twenty years later, even though Winona was gone, I wasn't going back on my promise now. His offer, I knew extended to Jim. My horror turned to anger, pure anger when I saw Spock wrap his hand around Jim's throat. His strained gasps and coughs filled the room, but no one from the crew would budge from their spots and that only angered me more.</p><p>Fucking Cowards.</p><p>Fuming, I ripped myself free from Sarek's grip and stepped forward. Deep in my gut, a power like voice rose and immediately fell from my mouth, like vomit. My hands balled into a fist with anger as my voice echoed through the deck of the ship,</p><p>"SPOCK!"</p><p>When he didn't immediately stop, I momentarily considered incapacitating him with the nerve pinch. As I rose my hand about to move it to his shoulder, he released his grip. Jim fell to the ground, holding his throat he let out a strained and raspy cough. My eyes met my sons who was coming down from blind anger, his body started to relax, and his hands unclenched themselves from fists. My attention turned to Jim who was still on the ground, I fell to my knees beside him.</p><p>"Are you alright?" I whispered.</p><p>"Doctor." I heard Spock say "I am no longer fit for duty. I hereby relinquish my command based on the face that I have been emotionally compromised. Please date the time and date of the ships log."</p><p>I looked up as Spock walk out from the deck. Looking down at Jim, the bright red colour started to fade from his eyes as he staggered back to his feet and away from my helping hand.</p><p>"I'm fine." he insisted.</p><p>As all eyes pointed towards Jim, an uncomfortable silence filled the room. Sarek came forward and offered his hand. Placing my fingertips into his palms and pushed myself off my toes and onto my feet.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I caught Jim as he was walking out of the medical wing. Sarek and I were being escorted to our quarters. Sarek went ahead with the escort while I requested a moment along with Jim. As Sarek and the escort rounded the corner, Jim and I stood adjacent to the medical wing.</p><p>Leaning against the wall in an attempt to relieve pressure on his aching ribs, his blonde hair was dishevelled and the wounds on his face were gaining a purplish colour. To my surprise, all the remorse I felt for Jim when we were on deck had disappeared and the last thing that I felt was sympathy for him even though his black eye looked quite painful.</p><p>Feeling the sense of pride at my son's actions, I actually wanted to laugh. A slight guilt rose in my stomach, and quickly I repressed the urge to laugh. I stood in front of him and arched my brow feeling quite surprised that he would attempt to provoke Spock in the first place. Surly after knowing each other since childhood he would know better. Apparently not. Just like his father!</p><p>The thought made me break out in a smile. Lowering my head in an attempt to hide the smile I shook my head and chuckled lightly.</p><p>"You're just like your father." I said in a low voice, before noticing his swollen and purple eye. "Are you alright, Jim?"</p><p>Clearing his throat, he shuttered at his aching body. "I am fine Lady- uh, Amanda"</p><p>A small smile grazed my lips. "To provoke an emotional response from Spock was unwise. Since you have known him since childhood, I thought that you knew better … and the dangers of provoking an emotional response from Spock."</p><p>As I spoke, he stared at the ground. It reminded me slightly of a child being confronted by their angry parent. I inhaled a breath to continue, but feeling a sadness rise in my chest, and I couldn't help but the remember the young boy Jim from years earlier. My inhale turned into a sigh and I placed my hand gently on his shoulder and said, "I trust that you will take caution in the future."</p><p>He looked up slowly and after a moment of silence simply nodded, his eyes went back to the floor beneath us. "Yes, Ma'am. My actions were uncalled for. I hope you will forgive me"</p><p>He looked just like his father when he had offended someone. Someone he cared for that is. Suddenly remembering, I reached down the neck of my dress and pulled out the two photos I had rushed to retrieve earlier in the day. I stared at the smal photo for a moment before extending my hand and handing it to him.</p><p>"I rushed back in the house to get this before we went to the Temple" I began in a soft whisper, "This was taken the day before your father and mother left for the mission. The mission that took your father's life." He took the photo with hesitance, and when his eyes fell upon the faces of his mother and father, a small smile grazed his lips. "I don't know if your mother ever told you," I continued, "but your parents were married just before leaving the mission. This was taken at their wedding."</p><p>I watched him study the faces of his parents. His face drooped into one of sadness that instantly made me question my decision to show him the photo. It had been three years now since Winona has passed, and she was never one for photos. I highly doubted Jim even had one of her. While this was the only photo I possessed of my friends, and I was willing to part with it for Jim. I placed my hand softly on his arm and moved closer, leaning over slightly to examine the photo.</p><p>In the photo, Winona and George stood on the right in traditional wedding attire while Sarek and I stood beside the newly wedded couple in traditional Vulcan attire. The closer I looked the more I noticed my small pregnant belly sticking out of my dark Vulcan robes, a sight which made me smile.</p><p>"You father and I were friends, Jim. We met a couple years before he married your mother. He was my only friend when I first arrived on Vulcan as he was there on Starfleet business. The last time I spoke to your father, it was after his wedding. He told me to protect your mother should anything happen to him." My hand moved from his arm to the photo that I gently caressed.</p><p>"I knew when I heard that your mother was pregnant that he wanted me to protect you both." He stared at me for a moment before returning to the picture. "Despite everything, Jim. Your father would be very proud of you."</p><p>I back down at the photo. Precious memories of the day running through my head. As the tears welled in my eyes, I was broken away from the precious memories when he extended outward, returning the photo.</p><p>"No Jim, it is for you." I said. When he looked up and tried to return the photo again, I took his hands into mine and gave him a stern look. "I went back to get it for you. Please keep it. I think your father and mother would want you to have it."</p><p>He seemed to be stunned, and after a moment he simply nodded and placed the photo carefully in his pocket.</p><p>"Thank you, Amanda." He extended his arms and stepped forward and just as he was about to wrap me in a hug me stopped. "I'm sorry… am I allowed to-"</p><p>Smiling I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug "Of course you're allowed." I cried softly away wiping my tears away with the back of my hand, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I should follow the doctor's orders and go back to my quarters for some sleep."</p><p>"Of course. Do you need an escort?"</p><p>"No, thank you. I think I need a moment alone but, thank you."</p><p>"Very well, if you need anything, please don't hesitate to contact me."</p><p>I nodded, "I will. Thank you."</p><p>"Speak your mind, Spock" I heard Sarek say. I rounded the corner, standing near the door of the transportation room when I suddenly stopped, hearing his voice.</p><p>"That would be unwise." I heard Spock reply.</p><p>While I knew it was unwise to eavesdrop, it became impossible to pry myself away from what I was hearing. This was the first time my husband and son had spoken to each other in almost three years and I could hardly believe my ears.</p><p>Leaning against the wall around the corner of the open door, I continued to listen to their conversation trying to repress the forming regret.</p><p>"What is necessary is never unwise." Sarek said. Placing my hand on my chest, I found myself overwhelmingly surprised at how sympathetic his tone sounded.</p><p>"I am conflicted as I once was as a child." Hearing the pain through Spock voices caused an intense sadness to radiate through my chest. I fought to urge to run into the room and wrap him in my arms. He was struggling. He was suffering. My mind drifted to memory. Sarek and I stood in my office, Spock was three. He had fallen and cut his knee. "This is not the Vulcan way, Amanda." he said flatly. Sarek's voice pulled me back to reality,</p><p>"You will always be a child of two worlds." Sarek replied, hearing footsteps and a small pause, he continued "I am grateful for this… and for you."</p><p>The pain in my chest began to wash away and was replaced with a feeling of warmness. Mixture of disbelief and proudness that ran through me as tears began to form in my eyes. There was lingering silence, and for a moment I thought that they had possibly left the room.</p><p>My heart rate began to quicken with fear and anticipation. I moved my head closer to the edge of the door, almost sighing in relief when I heard Spock speak his words full of confusion as he struggled to place each emotion that he felt.</p><p>"I feel anger for the loss of our planet and… when I pulled mother off the cliff…for a moment I… thought of her murder. Whenever I see her now, I feel a pain in my chest. The anger…the…pain is something that I…." his voice began to crack, "cannot control…"</p><p>Unable to bear the silent that followed his confession I stepped into the doorway. Spock stood on the platform just inches away from his father who stood in front of him with his arms clasped in front of him.</p><p>"Mother." Spock said, looking up from his father.</p><p>"That feeling in your chest," I responded, trying to hide my teary voice, "It's fear. And heartbreak." I joined my husband's side. Lifting my dress, I stepped onto the platform and stood in front of my son, face to face…</p><p>"Mother." he said again in a soft tone. His face struggled to maintain the stoic look, but he was clearly in pain. Seeing him upset was always my weakness and knowing that I could show him the comfort made every emotion I felt worse. Spock continued, "I…I apologise for my-"</p><p>I was his mother. And he was in pain, I had resisted long enough. I pulled him into a hug cutting his unnecessary apology short. The soft blue fabric of his shirt ran across my fingertips as I moved caressed his back gently. "Oh Spock." I whispered softly in his ears, my voice cracking with tears "You are grieving. We all are. You don't need to apologise."</p><p>He lingered in my arms for a moment, I closed my eyes feeling my body relax. When his arms wrapped around my shoulder's I couldn't help but jump in surprise. The feeling of his embrace caused my body to overwhelm with a warm feeling of love and content. I wished, in that moment, that we could be like this forever.</p><p>"Fear is illogical." He said in a soft confused tone.</p><p>"No." I replied softly, "It is not."</p><p>"Emotions are illogical." he said in the same soft and confused tone.</p><p>"No, they are not." I replied again tighten my grasp around him.</p><p>As Sarek began to speak, Spock pulled away from our embrace. Wiping the falling tears from my cheeks, I turned finding my husband now beside us on the platform.</p><p>He glanced at me briefly before turning his attentions to Spock. "You asked me once why I married your mother..."</p><p>I inhaled a silent deep breath and looked down. A small tinge of sadness ran through my chest which I sensed caused Sarek to pause briefly. After all these years it still, somewhat, hurt to not hear him say that he loved me but over the years his actions showed those three little words.</p><p>He never said those three words. He told Spock three different words the two times Spock inquired during childhood that 'it was logical'.</p><p>"… I married her because I love her."</p><p>The words rolled off his tongue so naturally. So… calmly. Shock. Disbelief. And Love, all balled into one. "…Because I love her." I lifted my head slowly and upon catching the small expression from my son, I turned to my husband. Lifting his hand, he offered me his two forefingers fingers which after a moment's hesitation, I took with shaking hands.</p><p>Feeling more tears well in my eyes, I took a deep breath and turned back to Spock and wrapped him in another embrace. Out of all the things that ran through my head I wondered for a moment which I should say.</p><p>But, as I held him in my arms, as Spock's arms hesitantly wrapped around my back, and Sarek rested his hand on my shoulder I decided that none of them mattered. Words did not matter. We had each other… and that is all that mattered.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Starfleet Headquarters: Paris, France</p><p>"Isek for your thoughts?" I asked, as I approached Spock, who was standing outside of Starfleet headquarters. The sun had begun to set, and there was a cool but comfortable climate. I must admit, I had grown so accustomed to the hot climate on Vulcan that cool climate felt somewhat like being in the Himalayan mountains. Donning a thick cloak over my green neck high dress, I admired my boy who stood in his official Starfleet uniform with a smile on my face.</p><p>He is so grown. So big, and no longer my baby. I thought to myself.</p><p>In response to my question, his brow shaped slightly into a confused V shape, much like his father did during times of confusion.</p><p>"I fail to understand the meaning of your statement." he said flatly.</p><p>"Oh, neither do I," I admitted, "It's something my mother, your grandmother, used to say to me" I caressed his shoulder gently, "How are you?"</p><p>"I am in good health, mother, thank you for meeting me. I am aware that your itinerary since returning to Earth has been filled."</p><p>"Oh yes," I sighed, "but it's all for a good cause. A suitable planet has been found to establish a Vulcan colony. Your father and I will stay on Earth until all the appropriate tests are complete."</p><p>"That seems only logical." he replied with a nod.</p><p>After five weeks on Earth, Spock and the crew received a new mission and were scheduled to ship out in the morning. While I was sad to see him go, nothing stops work. I sighed sadly not wanting to ask the most pressing question at hand, but I knew time was limited, Spock certainly had certain matters to tend to and Sarek and I had a meeting with Ambassador Sovol soon.</p><p>"How long is your mission this time?" I asked sadly.</p><p>"One Earth year. I trust that-" he responded flatly.</p><p>"I understand that you're busy." I interrupted. I lowered my voice into an almost whisper "But can I at least request that you try and visit us once during that year mission?"</p><p>"Before your interruption, I was about to inform you that in six months' time I shall put in a temporary leave of absence. I request that you send me immediate information given the change in your coordinates. Given we are nearby, it would be wise to engage in your company for an extended period of time."</p><p>I smiled softly, and upon pushing a feeling of foolishness aside, I nodded. "What about Nyota?" I asked, "I told her that she is welcome at our home anytime… as are you."</p><p>"I am unaware of Lieutenant Uhura's personal schedules. Perhaps it would be wise given our-"</p><p>"Invite her anyway." I interrupted softly, "I am sure she will say yes."</p><p>"Mother. I know that a sufficient amount of time has passed, but…" he tilted his head down, seemingly in despair. "I would like to… apologise for my actions on the-"</p><p>"Spock." I said softly, "There is no need to apologise. Grief is dealt with in many ways." Reaching up, I caressed his neck gently. "Don't be afraid of your emotions, Spock." I said softly. There was a moment of silent and I sensed his confusion. His hand reached up and rested on my arm.</p><p>"And don't forget to call." I added after a moment of silence, "I know you're busy but, just once in a while to let me know you are still alive. Okay?"</p><p>"Of course, Mother."</p><p>"Spock!" called a voice. Twirling around, I saw Jim Kirk walking out of the building and over to us. Spock's hands immediately fell to the front of his body. Clasping his hands in front of him, he greeted Jim with a small nod of the head,</p><p>"Jim."</p><p>"Pardon the intrusion," Jim said, "but I'm glad to catch your mother before we shipped out again." Turning to me, he reached into his breast pocket of his uniform and pulled out a thin silver rectangle-shape holder of some kind. Sliding the front up, he handed me the holder and in the middle was a copy of the wedding photo I had given him earlier of his parents, Sarek and myself.</p><p>"I made you a copy." he said. "I know how much they meant to you and figured that they would want you to have a copy."</p><p>Running my finger against the photo, I smiled as I examined the faces of my old two friends. Feeling the tears well in my eyes I looked up at Jim and gave a slight nod, "Thank you."</p><p>"No, thank you." He responded, "For everything. They both would be grateful to you."</p><p>"I hope so." I said softly, looking back at the photo.</p><p>Hearing footsteps behind me, I turned around. Sarek walked forward and upon greeted Jim and Spock turned to me,</p><p>"Ambassador Sovol will be arriving soon."</p><p>Turning back to Spock, I could no longer fight the urge. I pulled him into an embrace but much to my dismay he pulled away almost immediately.</p><p>"I know you don't like it," I whispered "but, you will be away for a while." I caressed his shoulder gently. "Stay safe."</p><p>"I will always take the necessary precaution to ensure my safety." Spock said flatly.</p><p>After a nod, I turned to Jim who extended his hand formally for a handshake. Accepting, I shook his hand "Thank you. Now, you stay safe and if you need anything, I'm sure…" I turned back to Spock "you can ask Spock for my contact information."</p><p>"Of course, Lady Amanda."</p><p>Within fifteen minutes, Sarek and I were in our quarters and before I could even freshen up, Ambassador Sovol arrived for our schedule meeting.</p><p>-O-O-O-</p><p>"Given the circumstances," Ambassador Sovol began as he sat across from Sarek and I in the sitting room of our quarters. "I have made the proper arrangements for you to take a Vulcan wife once you arrive at the Vulcan colony."</p><p>The words that fell from Ambassador Sovol's mouth caused my stomach to drop in horror. My palms began to shake and the all too familiar nauseous feeling returned. I watched as his mouth continued to move but his words did not register. I inhaled a sharp breath and placed my mug of tea on the table in front of me with a shaky hand.</p><p>Sarek maintained his usual demeanour beside me, which only heightened my fears. I feared Sarek had no choice but to agree to Ambassador Sovol's demands. Vulcans were, after all, almost extinct… but, the thought of a divorce, losing my husband after we fought so hard to be together in the first place caused the contents in my stomach to heave upwards into the back of my throat causing me to rush to my feet.</p><p>"Excuse me." I gasped and immediately excused myself from the sitting room to the back of our quarters where the bathroom was.</p><p>I sat by the toilet wiping the tears from my cheeks as I cradled my forehead in my hand. I hovered over the toilet bowl and in my own irrational mind hoped that my crying caused Sarek and Ambassador Sovol to feel some sort of pain and regret… but they were Vulcans, and thus it was wishful thinking.</p><p>I sighed as I wiped my mouth with the white cloth beside me and rested my head against the cupboard under the sink and closed my eyes.</p><p>The only logical thing I could think to do now, is to think of what to do next… without Sarek. Without my husband by my side.</p><p>-O-O-O-</p><p>I didn't realise I had fallen asleep until I opened my eyes to see Sarek standing in the doorway of the bathroom. My stomach immediately turned again, threatening to release more bile. I studied his stoic facial expression, attempting to read between the lines, but my fears only lead me to one conclusion,</p><p>He agreed to it, I thought. He was always going to and that's why he withdrew from our bond.</p><p>I watched his brow contort into a familiar V- shape, he stepped forward into the bathroom and stood in front of me clasping his arms in front of him. Refusing to look at him, I focused on the handle in the sonic shower beside me.</p><p>"You withdrew from me." I said in a flat tone, "Was that to make it easier when you dissolve our marriage."</p><p>"I do not understand." He responded with a tinge of confusion in his voice, "It is illogical to take another wife when one already has one."</p><p>Wiping my cheek with the back of my hand, I turned to the front, arched my neck and forced myself to look at him. To my surprise, he looked the most confused I had ever seen him in all our years together.</p><p>"It is logical when the Vulcan race is almost extinct." I said, forcing the words through my tear strained voice. Turning away from him again, I focussed once more on the handle of the sonic shower, "He will force you." I whispered.</p><p>Slowly and awkwardly, I saw Sarek crouch down in front of me in my peripheral vision. After some awkward shuffling, he sat beside me on the bathroom floor, his feet straight out in front of him and his hands resting in his lap.</p><p>We sat there in silence, the tears continuing to fall down my cheeks as I focused on the small details of the sonic shower handle. Suddenly I felt his forefingers brush against the back of my hand, slowly they travelled down to my fingers and soon a strong surge of calm radiated through me.</p><p>I couldn't bring myself to pull away, as much as I wanted to. I couldn't stop thinking if this would be the last time, we would be allowed to share such an intimate embrace or even be this close to one another again. I moved myself closer to his body and rested my head on his shoulder.</p><p>As his fingers continued to caress mine the Ozh'esta became stronger. As the minutes passed, the calmness that radiated through me causing my elevated heartrate to lower and the tears to stop. My heart began to warm, much like it had done when I heard him say for the first time that he loved me. Or when he first showed me what the Vulcan equivalent of a kiss was. A small smile grazed my lips.</p><p>"It is most unwise to force one's own opinion on another." He finally spoke. I let out a small sigh and pulled myself into a sitting position against the cupboard. It is most unwise, but we were speaking about the council here… not a random person, thus his statement meant nothing.</p><p>"He will force you, Sarek." I said, surprised at the cold tone that came out. "You are not listening. He will force you. He is the highest member of the bloody council-"</p><p>"He will not force me, Amanda." Sarek interrupted. "I have told Ambassador Sovol that I will not take another wife or break our bond."</p><p>I could see it now. A forced divorce. While they were not common, they were done in times of desperation. However, breaking a bond by force has said to result in permanent damage for both parties and I couldn't live with the thought of him being permanently damaged… because of me. I drew in a deep breath as my anger began to boil over.</p><p>I rose to my feet and angerly rushed out of the bathroom and into the sitting room and began to pace the length of the sofa in an attempt to calm myself, but all that was running through my head was that it would be wise to just leave.</p><p>Leaving would be easier. I thought. It would likely lessen any risk of permanent damage. But where to go? Where to go? I could stay here until tomorrow, and then leave. Go immediately go to Chicago. My sister is still there I'm sure she would take me in.</p><p>As I continued to pace the length of the sofa, Sarek's voice brought me back into reality,</p><p>"You are angry?" he asked. I turned to see at standing at the edge of the sofa.</p><p>"Yes, I'm angry," I said "and I am scared… and you won't listen to me." I turned away from him and walked to the far side of the sofa. With a frustrated sigh I turned around and faced him, "I heard him, Sarek, he said that with there being so few Vulcans left the remaining members of the council will be forced to take either break the bond they have with their current bond mate or take another wife. You just told me that he won't force you to do that. How does that make any sense?"</p><p>"Ambassador Sovol and I continued to speak." He took a step forward, "After an hour of deliberation he has agreed my wishes, and as one of the longest serving members of the council he has agreed to my wishes and the matter shall not be pursued any further."</p><p>I scoffed and crossed my arms with a huff, "He seemed pretty set on you taking another wife, what did you say exactly?"</p><p>With my mind and heart racing once more, I had a hard time following, but he explained with all his family has done for the planet over these many years that Ambassador Sovol can take that into consideration. Upon speaking about the other surviving Vulcans in the council and the statistics surrounding a stable repopulation of the race, Ambassador Sovol finally agreed to Sarek's request.</p><p>"Given the events discussed," Sarek concluded, "Ambassador Sovol has agreed to my request. When we arrive at the Vulcan colony in six months' time, I shall not take another wife."</p><p>"And our bond?" I sighed.</p><p>"Our marital bond shall remain intact-" He replied bluntly.</p><p>"Sarek!" I blurted "You have already broken off our martial bond!" Anger began to peak through with each word, "Or have you forgotten?"</p><p>His brow formed that V shape again which caused me to scoff. How could he possibly be confused? I crossed my arms, attempting to lower my elevated heart rate, but his next words send my anger boiling over</p><p>"During times of stress and grief, it is difficult to sustain logic. Withdrawing oneself from a bond is logical."</p><p>"The whole time we were on the Enterprise, I kept thinking that you were preparing yourself to dissolve our marriage... You were distant, and…and you told Spock…."</p><p>"What did I tell our son?" He asked, clasping his arms to the front of his body.</p><p>"You told him you married me because you loved me." I responded, "Loved is past tense." Which implies you no longer love me. I said through our silent bond. "Which implies that… it is true that you do wish to dissolve-</p><p>"I did not use the past tense." He said calmly.</p><p>Taking two steps he now stood in front of me. I froze, he didn't use… He simply looked at me, his eyes staring into mine. They seemed so soft. So calm.</p><p>"what…" I mumbled softly. "You didn't use-"</p><p>"My words to Spock were not used in the past tense. It has never been or will never be my intention to dissolve our marriage."</p><p>I couldn't believe my ears. He was surly lying. I wiped my eyes from newly formed tears. He's lying. You're lying. He's lying.</p><p>"I do not lie, Amanda." he said with a hint of confusion in his voice.</p><p>"You are lying." I whispered.</p><p>"If you permit me" He said, his voice softening "I can show you".</p><p>We stood and looked at each other, and after a good minute, I nodded. His hand met the pressure points on my face and after some tense moments, I was transported back to the Enterprise, staring at our son through Sarek's eyes. My heartrate - well Sarek's heartrate was elevated slightly but as quickly as I had realised it, it was starting to lower.</p><p>"You will always be a child of two worlds. I am grateful for this. And for you"</p><p>There was a skip in the memory, a slight skip. Then I was staring at myself who stood beside Spock, tears in my eyes, dust still on my dress</p><p>"You asked me once, why I married your mother" I – well, Sarek, glanced at me. His heart elevating once more. "I married her because I love her".</p><p>Tears filled my eyes as the memory played out. I watched myself embrace Spock telling him that everything would be alright. His fingers pulled away from my face. Burying my face in my hands, the tears fell down my cheeks.</p><p>His hands wrapped around my arms and after a moment of hesitation he pulled me into an embrace, his arms wrapped gently around my back. He did not say a word. He simply held me as the tears continued to flow. After what seemed like an eternity, when I felt that there were no more tears to shed, I looked up at him.</p><p>His hand slid from my back and up to my cheek where he gently brushed the tears away from my cheeks. His eyes were gentle. His fingers were gentle. He was… so gentle.</p><p>Reaching my hand up, I found his forefingers on the side of my face. Brushing my fingers over his, there was strong surge, much stronger than earlier, of calm. But, amongst the calm there was something felt much through the Ozh'esta. Love.</p><p>I opened my mouth to speak, but it was his voice that radiated through my mind that stopped the words from leaving my lips.</p><p>I love you.</p><p>It was so low; I couldn't determine if it were real or just my imagination. Those three words. From his voice. They were so beautiful. Surely it was my imagination, but still the same three words ran through my head.</p><p>I love you.</p><p>"Amanda, I…" Sarek began, but it was suddenly as if a cat had gotten his tongue. "I…" He stopped again and finally said, "I love you."</p><p>A wide smile immediately ran across my lips. It was even more beautiful seeing the one coming from his lips. His voice. HIS voice saying those three words. Tears welled in my eyes, but they were far from tears of sadness.</p><p>"I love you too" I replied, wrapping my arms around him.</p><p>                                                                                                                      ~**THE END**~</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And finished! :) Let me know what you think, this plot has been in my mind for roughly five years. It's long overdue but better late than never. <br/>All criticism helps makes me a better writer, but I ask that you be kind when giving criticism. Thank you :-)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>